Today… I Am Not Okay

49325-Im-Not-Okay

Today, my heart is heavy.

Today, my insecurities are winning.

Today, I am consumed by doubt.

Today, I am reminded that the pain I have caused before will have lasting effects.

Today, I am reminded that sometimes trying just isn’t enough.

Today, I am living in fear.

Today, I am not okay…

Dear God,

Today, I need You more than I have in awhile. Lord, I need You to be there for me as I cry out to You and seek Your guidance. Please help me with trusting the path You have set me on. I feel I am making the right decisions. I feel I am directing my love to all the right places. I feel like I am doing what You have set out for me to do. But I also have fear that I am doing too much. I have changed so drastically that I have given people reason to doubt me.

My heart hurts so much today. I am trying so hard to be the person You want me to be. My heart has been broken so much that I am so fearful of losing my loved ones. I have found peace. I have found happiness. I have found love. And I don’t want to lose it. Please take away the fear, and the pain. Please mend my heart. It hurts so much…

Please don’t let me lose it.

Please…

Amen

Kyle

Edit:

Sometimes I just need to cry, and pray, and listen. This is the song that decided to play next for me this morning:

When he told you you’re not good enough
When he told you you’re not right
When he told you you’re not strong enough
To put up a good fight
When he told you you’re not worthy
When he told you you’re not loved
When he told you you’re not beautiful
That you’ll never be enough
Fear, he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
‘Cause fear he is a liar
When he told you were troubled
You’ll forever be alone
When he told you you should run away
You’ll never find a home
When he told you you were dirty
And you should be ashamed
When he told you you could be the one
That grace could never change
Fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
‘Cause fear he is a liar
Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel
Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel
Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel
Oh, let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel
Oh, fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
‘Cause fear he is a liar
‘Cause fear he is a liar
– Zach Williams

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