Some Self Reflection…

Family, Life

It’s going on two weeks now since I had my big “aha” moment and oh, what a difference it has made.

Without the judgement, criticism and guilt clouding my heart and head, I am now at a point where I can begin to talk to myself and get to the bottom of my issues that had caused me to be the person I was.

And it has been very enlightening.

I’m learning a little bit more about myself everyday, and actually taking the time to hear what others are saying as well.

The walls are starting to crumble and fall all around me, in a good way. It feels amazing to be able to let the light shine in, letting others in as well after all these years.


One of the most surprising things I have found about myself is that I truly do care about people’s opinions about me. For years, decades even, I have been telling myself that no one else matters. Their thoughts and opinions didn’t make a difference. But in all honesty, I was way wrong. The comments and judgments have crept in through my cracked walls and have slowly, over long periods of time, clouded my heart. My anger and bitterness have been defense mechanisms. Not out of jealousy, not out of spite, but out of pain. I have not had a terribly difficult life, but I have still overcome a lot to get to where I am today. And it hurts when my morals, ethics, accomplishments, struggles and achievements are questioned or put down. Maybe that’s the reason I am never satisfied with my accomplishments? Maybe I try to distance myself through my career and achievements from those who put me down? Maybe .. 

I used to have a really close relationship with my three brothers. They would come over at least every other weekend and hang out with me. We would do all sorts of things – movies, video games, cooking, basketball. But then they just stopped doing that. I don’t remember the last time I actually hung out with any of them. It’s probably been at least 5 or 6 years.

And I guess that has created this feeling of abandonment. And because of that I started treating them like garbage. And any feeling of abandonment just grows into a fear of it. So I never let anyone in for fear that they will one day do the same thing. And, unfortunately, anytime I have tried having friends in the past it has always ended in disaster. Because I push people away, or I am critical, or something. Something always happens.

But I have to stop assuming. Stop thinking that just because it has happened in the last that it is going to happen in the future. Having friends is a good thing. It’s someone to talk to where I otherwise have no one (other than my wife).

I also am being honest with the fact that I have so many insecurities. I’m never good enough. I can always do better. I hate the way I look. These are the things internally I have been dealing with every, single, day. So I keep people at a distance so they can’t see the person I really am.

It’s been almost 2 weeks now and my heart has been opened. There’s room now. And it’s allowed me to be honest and open about things I would normally never talk about.

Last year I went through a period in my life where I just wanted to give up. I was diagnosed as depressed, I was put on medication, and I had to go and speak to my doctor once a month and be monitored. Things ended up getting better, as they always do. I had my wife to support me and stand by my side. But I still was never able to talk to her about some of the thoughts that went through my head. I was finally able to do that this week and it felt so freeing.

I’m able to speak openly and honestly now in a, mostly, positive way. The truth is what it is, and I don’t advocate lying, but it doesn’t have to be said in a hurtful way. Tact is something I’ve always been told I lack, and I’m working on it now. Other people’s feelings matter.

The biggest thing I’m working on though is guilt. And that involves forgiving myself, which I am having a harder time doing.

I had a good childhood and had a lot of opportunities placed in front of me. And yet I ended up being this angry person.

My wife on the other hand didn’t have it so easy, and yet she was the kindest person ever when we got married. Forgave everyone, gave them chances and opportunities, stopped to listen and understand. But after being married for almost 10 years now she started to be more like me. Pushing people away because didn’t like them. Avoiding her family because it was easier than dealing with me being grouchy. And she eventually became this person she doesn’t even recognize anymore.

But I do recognize that person. That person is me. Or rather, that person is who I used to be.

And it’s not fair to her because she truly is an amazing person. But because I have been so selfish she has suffered. She’s now as lonely as I am.

What kind of husband was I?

Not a very good one. But because she is such an amazing woman she has always been there by my side. And always forgiving me when I’m just a stupid jerk.

So this change is for her, as much if not more as it is for me. Because it’s not too late to be the best husband I can be. It’s not too late to be a good friend.

This past week has been a rollercoaster for us. We have gotten to this point now where honesty IS the best policy. So we have been telling each other everything. Instead of assuming, we ask. Instead of getting mad, we try to understand. She’s said things, I’ve said things, but we have been honest with each other. And we now get to grow from it.

And I’m glad I had this revelation before I lost one of the best things in my life.

I was a terrible person. My problems with people have stemmed from my attitude towards them. If I were just understanding, and patient, and kind, I might not feel so alone today.

I need to let people in. Literally. So I open my doors to my friends and family who I have pushed out before. To my family, I’m sorry for being such a jerk. For having a better-than-thou attitude. To A’s family, I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t come around when I was around. She needs you in her life. And I would be glad to have you around. Spend time with us, spend the night, be together again.

The first step in recovery is acceptance. I will not be that man I was before. No, you know what, I wasn’t much of a man. I will be a man now. I will be proud of who I am, and I will be someone others are proud to know.

I love you all, as much as I have shown otherwise in the past.

K~

Forgiveness and letting go…

Family, Life

So before I even begin, let me start by getting the obvious out of the way.

I am a huge hypocrite.

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I can hold grudges until the end of days.I will remember the time you screwed up. I will throw it back in your face years and years down the road.

But it’s time to let it all go.

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I am on a path in life now where I can’t let the past linger any longer. I have been hurt in the past. Deceived, used, mistreated, lied to, put down, the list goes on and on.

And I am a good person, but I will be honest, I have hoped for some bad things to happen to people. Not like psycho bad, just karma bad.

I can be resentful. I can be petty. I can be downright mean. My, usually carefully selected, words can cut through like a dull knife, slow and painful.

But I have these three beautiful children who look up to me as a role model. They watch my every move, they mimic me. They idolize me. And yet I don’t teach them. I instruct them, but I don’t show them. I don’t lead them.

Just to get a couple of things out of the way. I have never done anything truly “bad” in life. Never been in trouble with the law, never done drugs, never physically harmed anything (other than spiders!), never even had a drop of alcohol in my life. In fact, I don’t even cuss. Ever.

But I can be a hypocrite. I can be a liar. I can be mean. And I’m trying to teach these kids not to be these things. How can I expect my children to actually learn these things when all I’m doing is saying words. I am not mean to my children, I am not mean to my wife (although, again, I will be honest and say I have been in the past, whether intentionally or not).

I am probably one of the most respectable and polite people in public, especially around strangers. I am a strong believer that you just don’t know what someone else is going through and to never judge. I even leave full tips for terrible servers. Maybe they are just having a bad day.

But to people I know personally, where I know a little about their lives, their mistakes, their effects on those around them, I am highly critical.

And it makes me a bad person. And my kids can see this. And I have to stop.

So I am going to work on forgiveness.

I need to forgive myself for the things I’ve done. I need to forgive others for the way they have hurt me.

I have mentioned before that I am an introvert. I have, literally, no friends outside of family (which even that is very limited). Anytime I have let people in in the past they have hurt me or my family one way or another. So today I am forgiving you.

The words of my parents echoed softly in the past, but today they are ringing loud in my ears. Mom – “Choose your battles.” Dad – “It’s not worth it.”

So the battles have not been won or lost. They have been forfeited. They are gone.

“Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours.” – James E. Faust

I forgive you.

..

I forgive you.

..

Those who have hurt me and my family will likely never, ever read this post.

But I still forgive you.

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I am letting go of the disdain, the hatred, the pain, the suffering. The cruelness from my heart is going away. I am a good person. I need to show my children.

And I ask for forgiveness to those who I have hurt with my words and actions.

I apologize.

I apologize for the pain, for the tears, for the hatred, for the cruelness, for the intentional and unintentional consequences that have stemmed from me.

I am truly sorry.

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I am more than that man. I am a loving father and husband. I try to give when I can. I try to help when I can. I make regular trips to donate items to the homeless shelter. I work on an employee committee at work that gives back to the employees and the community.

I am was a hypocrite. I will be a leader to my children. I will teach them with my actions, not only my words.

I will be a positive role model. I will be a better father. I will be a better husband. I will be a better son. I will be a better brother. I will be a better uncle. I will be a better friend (if I ever have one of those again someday). I will be a better person.

My boss said something to me a few weeks ago that has really resonated with me. She told me that even though I’m not a highly religious person I have an incredibly strong moral compass.

And I agree with her. But in the past I have always seen the world as either white or black. Shades of grey didn’t exist. But they do. The lines aren’t so distinct. They are subtle. They are discretionary. And what I may see as “right” or “wrong” may not be , and is probably not always, right.

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There is good and bad in this world, but not everyone falls into being a “good” or a “bad” person. Mistakes happen. Life happens.

Forgiveness happens.

“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” – Maya Angelou

Today is a new day. And a beautiful one at that. Today I cleanse my heart. I will wash away the pain. It’s a fresh start.

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I will make it count. I will do something good with it.

“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.” – Tyler Perry

K~

S(ensory) P(rocessing) D(isorder) – how those three little letters (and words) have changed our lives.

Family

Here’s something we don’t talk much about, but has such a great impact on our daily lives.

A little backstory first. We aren’t ones to watch much TV, but we will occasionally binge watch shows on Netflix. This takes us back to roughly 2 years ago when we discovered arguably one of the greatest shows ever made, Parenthood.

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Now this show wasn’t doing anything radical, but it was pushing boundaries and approaching topics that have rarely been discussed. A major aspect of the show is how one family handles their son being diagnosed with Asperger’s. It was a slow introduction into the topic. The family begins noticing little “quirks” about their son, that he is a little “different”.

And while we are watching this show we notice these similarities between our own son. Just recently hitting his two year birthday we were inundated with “he’s just a boy”, “it’s just terrible-twos”, “it’s just a phase”. Granted, we fell into this trap for awhile. We had two girls, he was the first boy out of all the grand kids. Maybe it was just a stage.

But as we continued to watch this show, the similarities just kept jumping out at us. They weren’t subtle clues and hints, they were bold signs smacking us in the face.

And there’s one part of this show, in the very first episode, that hits me every, single, time and will bring me to tears.

The dad is confronted by his own father, and he finally just breaks.

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“Dad, there’s something wrong with my son.”

And that was it. No, my son isn’t just in a phase. He isn’t like all the other kids. There is something “wrong” with my son.

And the naysayers told us we were being ridiculous. I remember vividly sitting at my own dad’s house trying to have a conversation with him about what was going on, and he just wasn’t hearing it. And those words literally came out of my own mouth. “There is SOMETHING wrong with my son.”

So we did what any parent would do. We got him tested, we went and saw therapists, we spoke to our doctors.

We were sure that he had some form of autism. I remember the day we were finally put on the right path and the pieces literally started to fall into place.

We were sitting at an autism specialist’s office in November. She wanted to observe him and spoke very little to any of us. A few questions to Bud to get some interaction. After awhile she finally looks up at us and says “he definitely does not have autism, what made you think that he does?”.

And the way she talked to us she made us feel like we were being stupid. Like we were making the whole thing up, that we were looking for something to be wrong with him.

So we told her everything that was going on. How he would break down from going outside. How he had to cover his face with a blanket while driving in the car because the sun hurt his eyes, even if it was in the heart of summer and 90+ degrees outside. How certain sounds, textures, smells would affect him.

And then she saw it. As we were talking to her and she was still observing he was trying to walk and he kept misjudging his steps. And she started to put all the pieces together herself. And it hit her.

Sensory Processing Disorder

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), a condition that includes people who are overly sensitive to what they feel and see and hear, but also those who are under-sensitive, and still others who have trouble integrating information from multiple senses at once. SPD is not an official diagnosis. It isn’t included in the newest edition of the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM-5). Children with the clinical label SPD also have a lot in common with children diagnosed with autism.

We weren’t crazy after all.

And everything started to make sense from that point on. This was related to that. It was a reaction. A domino effect.

Bud spent a year in therapy after that point with a therapist who would come to the house and work with him on his needs. He was very non-verbal, had a lot of tactile problems, and his proprioception was way off. And his progress went through the roof. By the time he was three he began to self-regulate. He knew his triggers, he knew what to do to calm himself. And so did we.

Our 2-year old was figuring out the world and how he could fit it into his needs. So we changed our lives to match his needs. He will have this his entire life, so we need to do our part, as a family, to support him.

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And two years later he is extremely high functioning. Most days you won’t even know there’s something just a little different than the rest of the kids.

But the SPD never goes away. And it will rear its’ ugly little head whenever it feels like it. Doesn’t matter the location, doesn’t matter the time, doesn’t matter who’s around.

And that’s when the meltdowns happen. Just a brief overview, a meltdown is not the same as a tantrum. A tantrum is generally controllable by the child themselves. A meltdown is complete sensory overload. When the body is looking for escape.

Bud has been doing really well this past year. A few meltdowns and sensory overloads here and there, but nothing too extreme. But I think the past few weeks, with our schedules being so chaotic, he has regressed quite a bit. His sleeping habits have gone back to what they were before. Up all night, refusal to sleep, getting back into bed with us. His potty training is taking a step in the wrong direction. His attitude has been something to be desired ..

And on Saturday he had enough. The five of us were making our way through Target doing some fall decoration shopping. Bud was pointing at everything he could see and kept telling us over and over that he wanted something. No. That’s not how we work. Fine, he calms down. But the more we walked, the more he saw, the more sights, the more sounds, the more lights, the more colors, the more people. His body was done. Let the meltdown commence.

And it was an epic meltdown. The ear-splitting scream that ensued made us want to grab the cart and run out of the store. So we headed for the exit, all while dealing with the stares and the comments under the breath.

You don’t KNOW the situation. DON’T JUDGE.

The people in the store see this kid just being a “brat”, not getting his way. We are the parents who don’t know how to “handle” our children.

You don’t know what not only WE are going through, but what HE is going through. You don’t know about the 20 minute drive home where was still in meltdown mode. Or how he finally, eventually, just crashed (usually how he ends the meltdowns).

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But it was just a fun little reminder that yes, even though he has his good days, he will always have SPD.

So I would say I’m sorry to the people at Target who had to experience his meltdown on Saturday, but I would be lying. I’m not sorry. This is our life. We are doing absolutely everything we can for our children to give them a great life. We are good parents. Do not judge us on a moment of sensory overload.

..

When I look at the things my son goes through I see a lot of similarities between his youngest older sister, and also myself directly. I have a lot of sensory issues that I never really put together until my son was diagnosed. I have a lot of the same “quirks”. I just grew up with it and learned to self-regulate on my own. It really helps with my patience during times like Saturday. Because I have a sense of what he is going through. His mind and his body is screaming on the inside, “enough is enough!”

But it’s a new day. I took my son to daycare today and give his a big squeeze (his favorite, it’s a sensory thing) before walking in the door. Today is a new day, today is a good day for him. Today he is in control. But I know that some point in the future he won’t be again. I need to remember that he literally processes the world differently than the rest of us. He actually stops and smells the roses, and soaks up all the little things we take for granted, because to him they are big things.

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So we all need to look at the world from his eyes, at least for a moment. Process things a little different than you normally would. Don’t rush through the day, savor the moment.

And live life a little differently.

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K~

Parenting, and how somedays you just feel like a failure…

Family

First things first, I love being a parent. It creates some of the strongest emotions I have ever had to deal with. Everyone wants to talk about the great times, the highs, when the world is going great.

I’m not going to talk about those times.

I’m going to talk about the moment I felt the guiltiest I have ever felt in my life, and when I felt like I had failed my child.

This was two days ago, and it’s been eating me alive.

I’m not going to get into all the details, but the basic background is this, Bud got in trouble for something he shouldn’t have done. Now when I say he got in trouble, please keep in mind that I have certain strong beliefs and never harming a child is a huge one for me. My kids don’t get spanked, they don’t get their hands smacked, or whatever else. They get punishments such as groundings, going to bed early, no tv, phones taken away, etc.

So Bud had an incident the other night and had to go to bed early. Mind you it was only 20 minutes early, but that’s irrelevant.

Regardless of if our kids are in trouble or not one of us will tuck them in every night. So I got Bud ready and put him in bed.

And the whole time he was upset. Naturally.

When I finally got him all tucked in and had the blankets wrapped around I asked him if he was mad at me.

Some quick background on him. He is a very emotional child. Bud has SPD and he doesn’t always know how to deal with his emotions. When he gets really emotionally upset he will do this thing where he tries to talk without letting the tears come flowing out.

So he shook his head yes and fought back the tears.

And I told him I’m sorry and told him I loved him.

And he tried his hardest to fight back the years but a few snuck through and he told me he loved me too.

I turned my head, got up, turned his fan on, shut off the light, and walked out the door.

And my heart shattered.


I have never felt such guilt and failure from anything I have ever done in my life before.

I felt guilty for having to punish him in the first place. This kid has a way of pulling at your heart strings, and although he can be a handful at times, most days he is one of the sweetest kids ever.

And the failure set in when I realized that he felt like he couldn’t share his emotions with me. That he had to fight back the tears. That even though he was in trouble he was trying to be strong and not vulnerable.

Have I failed my children in the fact that they can’t be open with me? That they feel like they have to meet a certain standard around dad?

It’s weighed on me. Heavily.

Even though he assures me he is no longer mad at me and doesn’t even remember, I have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that my son is going to remember that moment. And he’s going to resent me for it.

I can’t be that parent.

I need to be there for them.

I can be better.

I WILL be better.

I HAVE to be.

K~

Some explanation behind our name…

Family

The idea of starting a blog has been in the back of my mind for a few years now. In the past I have always ended up talking myself out of it. “I don’t have the time to set aside for this.” “No one cares enough to read it.”

Well enough was finally enough. The one constant throughout all these years was a name and an idea.

“Table For Five” – the ups and downs of a family of 5.

I’ve built on this a lot throughout the years. Recently I have developed a passion for baking.

*side note – I will use the word passion a lot throughout this blog. You will probably start to question if I truly know the meaning of the word or not. 😄*

This stemmed from watching a truly brilliant show on Netflix – The Great British Bake Off. I’ve watched my fair share of American cooking shows and everything is about competition in a mean spirited way. The Great British Bake Off reminded me what baking and cooking was all about. Bringing people together. Creating memories.

My kids love to bake thanks to my mom. She has had them in her kitchen with a whisk in hand since they were old enough to walk. My wife and I, unfortunately, were/are clueless when it comes to baking. So we decided it’s time to learn.

We cook homemade meals most days, except when the chaos kicks in. Any opportunity we have to find alternative recipes for healthy meals we jump at the chance. Pinterest is amazing for this and is our inspiration board. Cooking, we are good at, but not great (although I think my dad may disagree with this on some meals). Our kids on the other hand are pretty clueless. So we are upping our game.

We are going to start a journey, and document along the way, as we learn and advance our skills in the kitchen. Of course with our kids right by our sides every step of the way. It’s a major life skill for them to learn and a big bonding opportunity for us.

Memories are made in the kitchen and shared at the dining table.

Table For Five.

And our current cooking goal is to host and cook a Thanksgiving meal 100 percent entirely from scratch (dessert and all) in 2017. We have a little over a year, so let the fun begin.

As for Our Little Infinity…

This is a quote that hits close to home for my wife and I. Full disclosure, I am a big softy. I love fantasy and action movies, but I am a sucker for romance movies. My wife absolutely loves it.

If you haven’t seen The Fault In Our Stars, you’re truly missing out. It’s one of those movies where I have to hide from my wife so she can’t make fun of me for crying at the end.

One of the best quotes from the movie and the book is…

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I’m likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”

It’s a quote that just stuck with us, and when it came time to finally start this blog we had to use it. It’s our life. We are living it every day.

Our family – Our Little Infinity.

K~

Our First Post – A “Brief” Introduction

Family

As this is our first blog post we will start with the typical introductions – why we are creating this blog, a little bit about each of our family members, and what we hope to achieve in the process.

Why are we creating this blog?

To say we live busy lives would be an understatement. I am what you would call a planner, and some days are difficult for even I to keep track of. My kids are growing up on me faster than I like to admit. I’m in a constant state of denial that they are no longer my babies. Unfortunately the older they get, the less I seem to remember. Not to say I have a bad memory (which, to be honest, my wife will tell you I do), but there is so much going on in our lives that it’s hard to keep track. The days literally blur together. My memory of my 6 year old daughter actually happened when she was 4. Things like that. So this will be a way for us to document our lives, the good and the bad. This is not a Facebook. We will not sugarcoat our lives and only post the good things. That’s not how the real world works.

Another reason for starting this blog is that I fully intend for this to be a bonding experience for our family. This will be a shared account with 5 authors (although one is too young to read and write at the moment). Most of the posts will more than likely be by me, but I hope one day to have separate pages on this blog for each member to post.

We are dreamers. We set goals and we work hard to achieve them. We make a lot of plans, big and small. Traveling is a goal of ours and this will be an outlet to plan and share our experiences. Baking and cooking is a new goal for ourselves. We will be sharing our recipes, tips and experiences. This will be a creative outlet as well. I really enjoy writing, so this will be a place for me to share some bits and pieces, and one day help me to write an actual book.

So let’s start with the heart and soul of our family – the kids. While we are sharing our family we would like to create some level of confidentiality. Family and friends will know who everyone is.

Our oldest, “M” is an old soul compared to the rest of our children. She has a personality unlike any you will ever find, and we absolutely love her for it. We will call her “Red” to match her fiery personality, and her hair. While she DOES care what people think of her deep down, she really doesn’t. She is a lover of things that many kids would find unusual. She is incredibly creative and loves to draw and color. You can usually find her with her nose in a book, drawing in her notepads, or watching TV. She is a protector and will not allow any harm to come to her siblings. She’s the only one allowed to bully them. She is extremely intelligent and you can typically have conversations with her that you would with an adult. She is way beyond her years, and very much a dreamer.

Our middle child, our youngest girl, “S” is a stereotypical girly-girl. For now she will go by “Diva”. Her favorite color is pink, she would wear dresses every day if she were allowed, and she very much cares about what people think. She is also our most emotional child. The smallest things will set her off, even if they were done or said with the best of intentions. She is 8 years old and still loves her baby dolls. She is our little cuddle bug and always seems to know when we need a hug or an “I love you”. She also has a pretty big attitude. She doesn’t like to do things in other people’s time and this gets her in trouble. A lot. She is also extremely shy. Typically if you are just meeting her you will find her hiding behind us.

Our youngest child, “B” is our challenging child. For the time being we will call him “Bud”, our nickname for him, short for Buddy of course. He is very shy in public, but knows he runs the household. Things don’t typically happen without his approval. Just being honest. Why? Because he is the baby, the only grandson. He has everyone wrapped around his finger with his big, contagious smile. With that also comes a serious temper. Not a violent temper, just brief moments of the-world-is-ending chaos. He does not like the word no, and sometimes it is way easier to just give in. But he also is incredibly lovable. He loves big squeeze hugs, crawling in bed in the mornings to cuddle (and a lot of times at night to kick us off the bed), and just sitting on your lap watching a movie.

My wife is the glue that holds this family together. While I do most of the planning, she is the one working behind the scenes to make sure everything is running smoothly and keeping them on schedule. Speaking of schedules, she is the one who makes all the appointments and everything for our kids and is usually the one to take them. She keeps the chaos to a minimum, and I assure you there is a lot of chaos. She always puts everyone else before herself and a lot of times will be throwing stuff on at the last minute to head out the door after everyone else is ready to go. She has a lot of little ticks that drive me crazy, but I love her through all of them. Diva gets her emotions from her mom for sure. She loves to read, listen to music, and spend any free time she has with the kids and I. She always knows how to make a bad good and always has the right words to say. Granted, she also knows how push buttons, she doesn’t do it often. She shall go by “A”.

And then there is me. If you were to compare me to any of our children I would be most similar to Red. I am an old soul. Many people would call me an overachiever. I over analyze everything. I am the biggest planner. In fact, spontaneity throws me off. I have a 10 year financial budget that I update almost every day. I love to read, listen to music (although I have pretty unusual tastes in music), watch movies with my kids, and learn. I am a big dreamer as well. Always looking forward, not always being present. Which is one of the big reasons for this blog. I’m not a big people person, a major introvert. If I could avoid people all day (except my family) I probably would. I love video games, photography, and fine art. I’m a self-proclaimed nerd. I can be hard to like, but I have an incredibly giving heart. But at the same time I speak my mind freely, often times to the point where people are cautious to ask me my opinion. You can call me “K”.

So what do we want to get out of this blog? I want to remember the little things, the day-to-day activities that ultimately create the “big picture”.

We are going to document our food journey. Learning the bake and cook wholesome, real, mostly healthy foods.

We are going to share our passions. Our favorite books, movies, music, dreams, plans, etc.

We are going to plan for the future. Like I said, we are dreamers and we have big goals.

We are going to share the smiles, the tears, and heartbreaks, the milestones and the pitfalls.

This will be a safe environment for us to share our lives.

We are excited to start this journey!

A Few Things About Our Family

We have a few rules in this family.

#1 – Try to buy wholesome and healthier food for our family. – We have actually been doing this one for going on three years now. We now only buy our meats from the local butchers. The better part of the start of our marriage was spent eating meals from the drive-thru or out of a box. This, obviously, came with a lot of health problems (mostly lots of excess weight). No more. We make a conscious effort to substitute anything we can.

#2 – Similar to #1, but no more snacks in our house. If we want a snack we physically have to make it first. This has led to our new desire to learn how to bake. And thank goodness for that because our family loves to bake together!

#3 – This is a new one for me, but no more “disconnections” from each other. I recently (as in just the past few weeks) deleted all of my personal social media outlets including Facebook, Pinterest, Reddit, etc. *side note, we do have a family Pinterest account, but it is private and we don’t share it with anyone. It’s just a hodge-podge of “us”* They were empty gestures, false connections with people, and a distraction from my family. While this may sound hypocritical as I turned around and created a blog, the intent is for this to bring our family together.

The goal is to post at least once a week, maybe more depending on the chaos that is our lives. Hopefully you will hear from all of us and get to learn some things you never knew.

Welcome to Our Little Infinity!

K~